Trip to the Doctor's Office

One of my favorite things to hear when I'm in a public restroom is a mother telling her small child, "Just go." The child responds, "But mama, I don't need to go." And the mother says "Yes you do." Seriously, they probably don't need to go.
I had a similar experience the other day (and more)...
The University had some extra money for health benefits at the end of last year and decided to reward us employees by covering all of our co-pays for preventative services. So naturally, I decided to take advantage of this rare opportunity to go to the doctor for free.
When I got there, I was greeted by a young female medical assistant and shown back to the exam room. She got me a form to fill out and asked me if I would give a urine sample. I had used the restroom right before I got there and didn't need to go, so I asked if she minded if I drank some water and finished the history form first. She responded by saying "Can't you just go a little bit?" I again told her that I had just gone and would need a few minutes. I guess she didn't believe me because she argued with me telling me that I could in fact probably just squeeze out a little urine. I finally had to get a little snappy. I said, "Look, I just said I don't need to go. I can't just do it on demand." It finally got through and she got me a glass of water to drink.
There's more...
As I was filling out the history, I was answering typical questions about my surgical history, heart problems, allergies, etc. When I got the the psychosocial section, one of the questions asked me if I had a history of committing suicide. If I did, would I be here filling out this form?
The medical assistant came back in and took my vital signs. For some strange reason, my blood pressure goes up when I get it taken "for real." When I take it myself at work it's fine, but every time I go into a doctor's office, it goes up. I can feel it. First she took my pulse rate and it was high. I mentioned that, judging by my heart rate, I knew that my BP would also be high. She looked at me like I was an idiot and said that heart rate and blood pressure have nothing to do with each other. They do.
As you can imagine, I was a little fed up with her at this point. I was glad to give my urine sample and see the doctor if only for the fact that I no longer had to associate with this individual.
I was wrong. Two days later, she called me with the results of my labs. I had 3 labs drawn: a lipid profile, a metabolic panel, and thyroid lab. As a Registered Nurse, I am quite familiar with what these labs are testing for and the interpretation of them. She gave me the results of my lipid panel. When I asked about the other two tests, she responded that the results had not come back yet (strange since they were all drawn in the same tube). I said, "So you've only received the results of the lipid profile?" She said "no, we don't have that back either." I responded, "So where did you get numbers for my cholesterol and triglycerides?" She told me that a lipid panel did not include cholesterol or triglycerides. It does. In fact, that's all it includes. I told her to just fax me the results. About 5 minutes later I was holding a copy of all three of my labs in my hand. And funny thing... Under the title Lipid Profile my cholesterol and triglyceride results were listed.
A few words of advice for this individual... 1. Get educated about what you are doing. As a medical assistant, you should have at least a basic knowledge of human physiology, such as that the heart rate and blood pressure are correlated. 2. If someone says they don't need to urinate, believe them. and 3. Get educated about what you are doing. If you are calling someone with lab results, have a basic knowledge about what the labs are testing for. Seriously.